


Loved

by Vanuzza



Category: Pokemon GO
Genre: I APOLOGIZE, I don't know what I'm doing, Most of my fics are a bunch of words at the moment, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, venting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 14:25:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanuzza/pseuds/Vanuzza
Summary: "I hate myself"“I love you.”





	Loved

Tears would cover their pale face as they looked at the scratches and wounds covering the inner side of their arms. They heart quicken and desperate, thick locks of silver torn from their beautiful hair. This was so painful, oh so painful and overwhelming. A black hole expanding inside their chest to the point it was eating them away... they needed to take the pain outside of their bodies somehow. How they hated the body they had.

 

The resemblance…

… The mirror image.

 

They hated that sensation that their entire life was hanging from a fragile string that could be easily cut, pull, and tangle, cut their own breath...

 

"Noire...?"

 

They hated how they would look pitiful when found by him. They hated not been able to properly stand up and walk, pretend everything was fine, put on their usual mask of carelessness and smug attitude, push him away from them as far away as possible with words bitter enough to sting... they wished they could flee.

 

"Shit! Noire, what did you do?"

 

His voice tries to remain as calm as possible. Spark is always trying his best to not sound so desperate and concerned as he really is in that moment. But they had shared time enough with this trash bag to actually recognize the little clues that tell them the truth...how his hands shake in the slightest way, how he runs from one bedroom to another to get bandages, and other items to clean their wounds. They hear the way his breathing pace changes...the way their voice tremble. And he's too good, too caring, and too special to them without them deserving this treatment.

 

Spark doesn't deserve to carry the burden, yet he still does.

 

They don't make a sound even if they tensed at the touch of alcohol to the scratches. They can hear the softest and most apologetic "Sorry" that could be pulled from Spark's tone. It's so amusing to listening to it, especially after sharing so many battles and provoking so many wounds to each other. Noire can't help but smile in amusement through the dried veil of their own tears and they don't try to push him away neither, they don't have the energy required for that. Noire can't help but appreciate the fact Spark is not trying to get words from them neither, at least for now. He never pushes them to the edge; he doesn't transform his panic attacks into a worse thing. He just heals the damage they have done to themselves (again), covers them with the skill of a doctor and pull them in for a tight hug. It's so awkward to hug someone when both of them are sitting in the bathroom floor.

 

"I'm here." He whispers, caressing their hair softly while guiding them to hide their face in the crook of his neck. His fragrance surrounds them in that moment and makes them think in very different things. Noire had always found funny how Spark managed to smell so damn good even with his usual routines. It's calming, and they felt safe for a brief moment, not caring at all of their different fractions. And he doesn’t care about it neither... Spark is too full of love for that, and they know that very well.

 

"I'm sorry." Their voice finally break the deep silence they had fallen before Spark would find them, but the sound also breaks the Team Instinct Leader's heart, it's raspy and a clear hint of how much they probably screamed while they weren't there with them. Actually all the broken things in there also were a hint for that, and how their Eevee was hiding under his sofa. That thing only happened when she was trying to hide from them when to drown by despair to properly care. "I'm so...so sorry."

 

"That should be my words." He whispers, kissing their temple and resting his back in the wall. "I wasn't here to keep you away from harm."

 

"I'm not some kind of silly pokebaby who needs you to keep an eye on it 24/7, stupid."

 

"Want to bet?"

 

They know this is not meant to be a joke or threatening or a way to make them angry. Spark is just worried. Since the first day he had seen them fall in a panic attack, they just want to avoid these explosions where Noire wouldn't be able to control their own despair and break stuff around the place won't be enough for them to sooth the damage. There was just so much pain being hold for far too long than necessary...

 

"I hate myself"

 

“I love you.” Spark whispers, soothing.

 

“You have very bad tastes on what you love.”

 

“Look who is speaking.”

 

“In my defense, I’m trash…”

 

“Does it mean I’m not trash to you, Noire?”

 

Noire remained silent again. If they had the energy, they may probably try to aim a punch on Spark’s gut, but they were also happy someone was there, avoiding them to feel worse. It didn’t take long for Eevee to come to the backroom, followed by Donglord. She was trying to be hidden while picking inside, yet her ears had betrayed her.

 

“Come in…” Noire said, and suddenly there was a ball of brown fur running inside and pressing her tiny head against their side.

 

Softly meowing as if asking if they were ok while Donglord sat peacefully next to both of them. The Jolteon was far too peaceful for his usual mannerisms, but it was probably due the situation. Eevee may have told him. Who would know? The only thing that could be addressed by now was how Eevee had managed to cuddle between Spark and Noire, licking away Noire’s remain of tears as the other Pokemon rested close to Spark.

 

“See? You are loved! She loves you! And I also love you”

 

And even if they didn’t answer immediately, Spark knew very well what the sudden smile in Noire’s lips was able to mean in true.


End file.
